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When Pilots and Flight Attendants Just Get Funny

Believe it or not, pilots and flight attendants can be very funny and clever, under certain circumstance, especially interacting with passengers on a flight.

Indeed, you will find several sites on the internet that gather some of the funniest remarks they had made. Hence, we, in North American Jets, want to bring on some of that humor and selected what we considered the “Top 20 Funny Remarks in a Flight”.

So, Hope you enjoy it and we take this opportunity to wish you all a very prosperous and funny year 2019.

Bumping flights

1- “Sorry about the bumpy landing. It’s not the captain’s fault. It’s not the co-pilot’s fault. It’s the Asphalt.” (1)

2- “Please keep your seat belts fastened and enjoy our complimentary turbulence.” (1)

Leaving your luggage behind

3- “Please make sure you take all your belonging with you. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please don’t leave children or spouses.” (2)

Oxygen Mask

4- “To activate oxygen, simply insert 75 cents for the first minute.” (2)

5- “I’m sure I have heard scary announcements, but frankly its the amusing ones that I remember. In a safety briefing on Westjet (Canada) the flight attendant said: ‘In the event of a sudden drop in cabin pressure, oxygen masks will drop down. If you are traveling with someone who needs help out your own mask first, then help your husband’.” (3)

Weather Condition

6- “For those of you wondering about the weather at our destination, Honolulu is reporting sunny skies and temperatures of 86 degrees. Unfortunately, our destination is Nome Alaska which is reporting 27 degrees below zero and blowing snow.” (2)

7- “‘Ladies and Gentlemen this is your captain speaking. On our approach to Hong Kong, we’ll be touching the tail-end of the typhoon currently in the area. So things might get a touch exciting’. It was pure terror.” (3)

When engines fail

8-“Late flight from Perth to Singapore, about to take-off, but suddenly came to a halt and taxied off the runway. ‘Ladies and gents, captain here. Just had a warning light there, probably a glitch so we’ll just contact engineering’. Fifteen minutes later off we went again only to come to another shuddering halt. The tannoy starts: ‘Errr, captain here, looks like it wasn’t a glitch after all.’ Excellent. Once airborne, he came on to say ‘Trust me, it’s better being down there, wishing you were up here than being up here, wishing you were down there!’ Love those Aussie pilots.” (3)

9-“BA flight from Kuala Lumpur on the evening of June 24, 1982, ran into volcanic dust. The captain makes the following statement to the passengers: “Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. We have a small problem. All four engines have stopped. We are doing our damnedest to get them going again. I trust you are not in too much distress.” (3)

Anything goes

10-“Flight from Tel Aviv. The crew came on the intercom before take-off and told us: ‘The in-flight entertainment system isn’t working and the cabin crew will be organizing karaoke instead’. I think the cabin crew was even more terrified than the rest of us about the thought of a plane-load of oiks singing off-key.” (3)

11- “Today’s flight should take about 3 hours, but luckily I know a shortcut so we might be a little early.” (1)

12-“‘Please fasten your safety belts in case we come to a sudden stop – like against the side of a mountain'”(3)

Children matters

13- “For those of you traveling with your children – why? And for those of you that are traveling with two of your children, what in the world were you thinking?” (1)

Runways

14- “Flight from Bristol to Faro waiting on the runway to take off. Pilot: ‘Sorry for the delay. We are just waiting for Brussels to recognize we exist.’ Long pause. #Good news. Brussels have acknowledged our presence so we can now take off’.” (3)

15- “Flying into Bathurst, New South Wales, the pilot announced that he was ‘taking a practice run over the runway to scare off the kangaroos’.” (3)

16- “Schipol to Bergen flight. There was a very vicious wind sheer and the Airbus we were on was on approach and veering with the wind. The runway lights were on and I stared out of the window to see the road alongside the airport. We could see the drivers of the cars peering up. Suddenly, the plane pitched up and the engines were on full tilt. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we have decided to go around again and this time we will land on the runway’, in the best laconic Scandinavian accent I have ever heard. People start praying.” (3)

17-After a heavy landing the pilot announced: “As you may already know, we have hit our destination.” (2)

Not very friendly flight attendances

18- “Your menu choices are chicken or pasta. If we’re out of your choice by the time we get to you, don’t worry, they all taste the same.” (1)

19- “This is a no smoking, no whining, no complaining flight.” (2)

20-Pilot as the cabin lights are dimmed “The lights are dim and you all are sleepy, very very sleepy. You don’t need any assistance from your cabin crew. Sleep now and remember cabin crew members can be very dangerous. Zzzzzz.” (2)

(1) Top 20 Funny Airline Announcement. Feb. 14. 2017. OUT OF LIMIT web.

(2) 100+ Flight Attendant Funny Announcements. Jun-2-2015. Flights and Frustration web.

(3) The world’s scariest (real) in-flight announcements, june,12,2018. The Telegraph.

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